1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
