8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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