oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We are two peas in an std pod
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
