and you said cock pushups were impossible
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
