he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
