Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
