ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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