Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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