I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
