Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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