what day is it and did you see me today?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
