i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
