my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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