they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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