peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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