imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
