My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
