Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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