I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Never underestimate the power of titties
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
