Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
