then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We're too hungover to prance.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
