brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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