ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
