Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
