living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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