im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
