I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i drank out of a bidet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
