If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
