Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i out mim tonsoeep
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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