This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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