She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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