I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
