A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Swine flu. Run for my life!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
