no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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