quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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