Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
