Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
