Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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