i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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