Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
