i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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