Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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