Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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