I feel like abortions should bother me more
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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