i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
