Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
