Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
