she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
