At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
