Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
