I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
