Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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