also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
