So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
