If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
