Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
