I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
