I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
